Coming up to meet you
by lessgeeking-morescience
Summary: "I don't care about this sun, Maura, you've always been my own personal source of light and heat." Angsty angst. WARNING : CHARACTER DEATH. TRIGGER WARNING : SUICIDE. (please, if you're sensitive towards one of those themes, don't read)


A.N. : Just a last reminder. This is not a happy story. Okay? Okay. Enjoy! :)

Jane looked at herself in the mirror, and smoothed her dress with the palms of her hands. _"Perfect," _she thought, _"It's_… _perfect_. _You're gonna love it, Maura." _

In the hallway, the doorbell rang. Jane took a deep breath, grabbed her pursed and opened the door. Frankie was there, handsome in his tuxedo, but the sadness in his eyes made him look so lost. _He looks like a little boy._ They shared a pained look, and left the apartment.

A few hours later, they were all gathered there, standing in what could have been a really nice spring day, but everybody just felt empty and cold. Jane carefully listened to the priest. _I made sure he's a good one, Maura, I made sure he knows how much of an angel you are. I don't know if he's needed though, I already know you're going straight to heaven._

Jane stared at the beautiful face in the coffin. Her throat tightened, but there were no tears. She was past the point of tears for more than a week now. _It looks just like you're sleeping. And believe me, honey, I know. I've watched you sleep so many times. I just… I love you so much, Maura. Even the sun came out for you, but I'm just _so_ cold. I don't care about this sun, Maura, you_'_ve always been my own personal source of light and heat._

As she threw her handful of dirt, the sharp pain came back for a second, a reminder of what she lost, but it didn't last long. She let out a sob. And that was it. She had disappeared the same time the wooden box was lowered to the ground. She was empty now. No happiness. No pain. No feelings. Just nothing. She didn't even noticed the concerned look on Angela's face. She was already gone.

_Finally, they left me alone._ Jane just spend 20 minutes trying to convince her mother and brothers that she needed to be alone, and she sighed of relief when she finally was able to close the door on them. She closed her eyes, and let out a deep breath, before heading to her bedroom.

The woman sat down on the edge of the bed, and pulled out an envelope from her nightstand drawer. She stared at it a few seconds, before carefully placing it on her pillow. That done, she went back to the living room and sank on the couch, head in her hands.

"See that dress, Maura?" she said out loud "I bought it for you. I told Ma I had bought it for today, but I lied. I bought it 2 weeks ago, for our first date. You know, that date I never had the guts to ask you out for. I swear I was going to do it! But then you had to go and…" A low whine suddenly came out of her chest.

Memories came rushing. Fragments, pictures of moments she would do anything to erase. Past she'd do anything to change.

The news of the kidnapping. The rush to the house's basement. Her body, lying here, so pale. _Oh, so pale_. The eerie silence. That sensation that everything was moving in slow motion and fast forward at the same time. The paramedics moving around. The slight shake of head from that dark-haired girl that just took her pulse. No. A pause in the time continuum, when her world imploded.

The sound rushing back. The blood-freezing, gut-wrenching screams that didn't seem to want to stop. Those were so distressed, she just wanted to yell at the person making them, to tell them to stop before she went crazy. Korsak shaking her, yelling at her, telling her to stop before he went crazy. So much pain. _I scraped my knee. There was a nail on the floor, and I scraped my knee. I was on my knees, but I don't remember getting there. Why do I remember that? Everything is so fragmented and blurry, but somehow I remember everything._

"You know, babe, I left a letter. For Ma and the boys. She's gonna be so pissed at me," she chuckled, a lone tear streaming down her face. "But, I think she'll understand, in the end. I explained everything. How it feels without you. Or more, how I can't feel without you."

Jane took a box under the coffee table, and get her gun out.

"We are meant to be together, honey. Wherever you go, I go. Wherever you are, you know I'll do my best to reach you. Without you, I'm just an empty shell. I can't function. I can't be me. I just can't _be. _I'm just here, being nothing. I can't stay here, Maura. I don't know when, but we've come to the point where you are my sun, my oxygen, my gravity. You are what my life revolves around. Remember when you said what would happen if there was no sun? Everyone would die. I lost my sun, honey, and now I'm dead inside. I need you. I just need you so much."

"Just wait for me, love, I'm coming up to meet you."

She placed the gun in her mouth and closed her eyes.


End file.
